Wordiness

This blog post concerns wordiness, and making my most verbose paragraph readable.

"wordiness1.gif", 05/2015, proofreadingpal.com; Public Domain.

Select the wordiest "paragraph" or short section of your Project 1 draft. Copy and paste it into the blog post as is (clearly mark it as an excerpt from your draft - people reading your blog post shouldn't be confused about that). If you're working in the video or audio genres, type up a short transcript of the section in question.
Now, relying on the advise given in pages 156-161 of Rules for Writers, re-write and revise that section by eliminating as many words as possible. If there are any words that don't need to be there, cut them. Try to reduce the excerpt by 25 to 30%.
Clearly mark the re-written paragraph or excerpt (so we can differentiate it from the original text - you're basically showing us 'Before' and 'After' versions of the section, like in a classic weight-loss ad). 
Try to put yourself in the shoes, mind and eyes of your reader/viewer/listener by providing a short but specific answer to the following question: "How is the rewritten section different from the original, from the perspective of your audience? Is it better? In what way? Is it worse? In what way?"

Before: In order to persuade the general population about the inevitably progressive role that Artificial Intelligence will play in the future, we cannot let powerful people instill fear in our hearts for their own probable gain. These same people (Musk) who advise against the dangers of Artificial Intelligence already use it and place big money on it. Musk spent $1 billion on an AI company with another startup CEO that he says will be "usable by everyone instead of usable by, say, just Google.” Don't you find it ironic that the same person preaching to you the evils of Artificial Intelligence is the same man investing over a billion dollars in it? His investment in self-driving Teslas, coupled with his race to create the robot who could beat the masters at the ancient game of "Go" (which he did not win, google beat him to that), remember his comment about Google?) provide ample evidence that Musk is dissuading others in order to take credit for the exploration and advancement of AI.


After: Powerful people advise heavily of the dangers of Artificial Intelligence, despite their own self-interest. These same people (Musk) who advise against the dangers of Artificial Intelligence salivate at the sight of its potential. Musk spent $1 billion on an AI company with another startup CEO that he says will be "usable by everyone instead of usable by, say, just Google.” Don't you find it ironic that the same person preaching to you the evils of Artificial Intelligence is the same man investing over a billion dollars in it? His self-driving cars, not to mention his board game-playing metal friends,  provide ample evidence that Musk is dissuading others in order to seize the opportunity all for himself.