This blog post concerns my editorial reports for production.
The second piece of work comes from my first body paragraph. Again, my rough and my revised versions.
RAW INTRO:
I purposefully will not include the names of the two terrorists, because that would only give them the attention they seek.
A lot happened on the day of the massacre. The dropped their child off before committing the shooting in the morning. The couple then drove to the Inland Regional Center, and then, opened fire on the crowd. Calls came in around 11:00AM saying people had been shot.
Around 7 minutes later, firefighters made their way onto the scene. At 11:40AM, around police zoned off the area, and at 12:25, the officers then started sweeping the area.
Surveillance from various street cameras, eyewitnesses, etc. provided a working timeline that allowed the police and FBI to track the suspect's movement.
18 minutes, from 12:59PM to 1:17PM, went undocumented. The movement of the two went dark, and that is precisely what worries the FBI. What were they doing during that time?
Perhaps knowing what the couple was doing during that short time could lead to so many other things. Perhaps they stopped at a house, where other terrorists reside as well. Perhaps, but this is only speculation.
Unfortunately, this is speculation at its finest, completely unsubstantiated in factual basis.
But what is not speculation is that what the FBI wants to do will harm the average user's rights and only benefit direct people resulted by the tragedy emotionally.
The FBI demanded in February that Apple create a backdoor, which allows them to punch as many passcodes into the phone without wiping the hard-drive after 10 incorrect attempts. This would allow them to crack into any phone, despite the fact they only seek data from these two phones.
The first piece of work comes straight from my introduction. Below is a script of my raw and revised versions. A few minor tweaks takes the viewer out of his/her comfortable seat in the bleachers and onto the main floor as a stakeholder.
RAW HOOK:
On December 2, 2015, a married couple committed a mass shooting, killing 14 people and injuring 22 in San Bernardino California. The event itself took place at the Inland Regional Center at a holiday gathering.
The Inland Regional Center is ran by the government, and harbors 30,000+ with developmental disabilities to allow them to assimilate into society.
Indeed this place was, indeed a gun-free zone. However, we aren't talking about gun control. Everybody has their opinions on guns, and let's face it, how many times can you beat a dead horse?
Let's talk about something much bigger than gun control - and that is your right to privacy.
REVISED HOOK:
On December 2, 2015, two terrorists shot 36 people in San Bernardino, California. 21 were injured, 14 were killed. The event itself took place at the Inland Regional Center at a holiday gathering.
The Inland Regional Center is ran by the government, and harbors 30,000+ with developmental disabilities to allow them to assimilate into society.
Indeed this place was, indeed a gun-free zone. However, we aren't talking about gun control. Everybody has their opinions on guns, and let's face it, how many times can you beat a dead horse?
Let's talk about something much bigger than gun control - and that is your right to privacy, and the people who seek to violate it.
The second piece of work comes from my first body paragraph. Again, my rough and my revised versions.
RAW INTRO:
I purposefully will not include the names of the two terrorists, because that would only give them the attention they seek.
A lot happened on the day of the massacre. The dropped their child off before committing the shooting in the morning. The couple then drove to the Inland Regional Center, and then, opened fire on the crowd. Calls came in around 11:00AM saying people had been shot.
Around 7 minutes later, firefighters made their way onto the scene. At 11:40AM, around police zoned off the area, and at 12:25, the officers then started sweeping the area.
Surveillance from various street cameras, eyewitnesses, etc. provided a working timeline that allowed the police and FBI to track the suspect's movement.
18 minutes, from 12:59PM to 1:17PM, went undocumented. The movement of the two went dark, and that is precisely what worries the FBI. What were they doing during that time?
Perhaps knowing what the couple was doing during that short time could lead to so many other things. Perhaps they stopped at a house, where other terrorists reside as well. Perhaps, but this is only speculation.
Unfortunately, this is speculation at its finest, completely unsubstantiated in factual basis.
But what is not speculation is that what the FBI wants to do will harm the average user's rights and only benefit direct people resulted by the tragedy emotionally.
The FBI demanded in February that Apple create a backdoor, which allows them to punch as many passcodes into the phone without wiping the hard-drive after 10 incorrect attempts. This would allow them to crack into any phone, despite the fact they only seek data from these two phones.
RAW INTRO:
I purposefully will not include the names of the two terrorists, because that would only give them the attention they seek.
A lot happened on the day of the massacre. They dropped their child off before committing the shooting in the morning. The couple then drove to the Inland Regional Center, and then, opened fire on the crowd. Calls came in around 11:00AM saying people had been shot.
Around 7 minutes later, firefighters made their way onto the scene. At 11:40AM, around police zoned off the area, and at 12:25PM, the officers then started sweeping the area.
Surveillance from various street cameras, eyewitnesses, etc. helped pinpoint a working timeline that allowed the police and FBI to track the suspect's movement.
18 minutes, from 12:59PM to 1:17PM, went undocumented. The movement of the two went dark, and that is precisely what worries the FBI. What were they doing during that time?
Perhaps knowing what the couple was doing during that short time could lead to so many other things. Perhaps they stopped at a house, where other terrorists reside as well. Maybe they could use this to find the weak link in the terrorists' network.
Unfortunately, this is speculation at its finest, completely unsubstantiated in factual basis.
But what is not speculation is that what the FBI wants to do will harm the average user's rights and only benefit direct people resulted by the tragedy emotionally.
The FBI demanded in February that Apple create a backdoor, which allows them to punch as many passcodes into the phone without wiping the hard-drive after 10 incorrect attempts.
This would allow them to crack into any phone, despite the fact they only seek data from these two phones.
Here are FIVE reasons that allowing an FBI backdoor would disregard YOUR privacy at the expense of THEIR claims. (END)
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