Peer Review B

                           This blog post concerns a revision of an essay from a classmate in another section.

Fernando's Essay

Title of Essay: Writing as an Engineer (Form Suggestion)

As far as essays go, I understand that there is very little flexibility in terms of form. The median by which information is typically transmitted in an essay is set up in the introduction, executed in each of the body paragraphs, then summarized and briefly revisited in the conclusion. 

My first suggestion is to add a hook to your intro paragraph. Throw the reader a bone - give them something to chew on! The average person doesn't care about the kind of writing engineers use on a daily basis... make them care! 

Secondly, I would make the final sentence of your introductory paragraph this sentence that you put in your intro..

"Two prominent forms in which research is shared are conferences and formal reports."

It serves quickly and concisely to both set up and shape the essay body as a whole.

Your body paragraphs seem fine. There is a lot of content, but it is hard to scan at times because of bad word choice.

A content suggestion that I personally follow is, instead of using an adjective and a verb, just use a strong verb. You can cut the word count and allow the reader to IMAGINE what you are saying, not just glaze over.

At the end of the concluding paragraph, leave a powerful stinger that gives the reader closure. Make the reader feel like they learned something today.

Overall, good start. Tighten up the form, use less adjectives and filler, and the essay will glide nicely.